he thought i was a dude.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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