got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
