she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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