Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
