I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
