She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do herpes really smell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
