Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
