Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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