You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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