6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my poor anus
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