Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
