Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
