i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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