I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
