So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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