Who wears a wallet chain?!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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