Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
