every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
