somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
