I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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