I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize