ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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