I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
