so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Panties = found
Randomize
