Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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