as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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