Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
