Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Randomize
