Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
