when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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