Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
