I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
