Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
