I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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