Your dad touched me again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my being single is dangerous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
