no, he came in my armpit
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
