he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
