It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
