ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
