Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize