She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
