Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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