the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
