it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
