I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
