I accidentally had phone sex last night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
