I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize