I bet he comes in French.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
