I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
