Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
