On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
