I just saw a hot homeless man
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
