I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
