i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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