when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
my liver is dry heaving
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
