Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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