Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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