Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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