i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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