Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
