woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this will be a night to untag.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
