I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
