her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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