Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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