i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize