Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
