like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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