doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
