this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
