just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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