I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
