my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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