you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
